Domestic Violence and Parental Authority: Safety Comes Before Co-Parenting

You Experienced Violence, But the Court Is Talking About Co-Parenting

It is one of the most painful experiences in family law: you have suffered violence from your former partner, and yet the proceedings seem to focus on ‘equal care’ and ‘improving communication’. As if the violence is a side issue.

The Arnhem-Leeuwarden Court of Appeal drew a clear line on 28 August 2025. In a striking ruling, the court explicitly applied the Istanbul Convention, and concluded that the safety of the mother and children comes first. Co-parenting and joint parental authority are not self-evident goals when domestic violence has occurred.

What Happened?

A mother and father separated in September 2022, immediately after the father assaulted the mother, in the presence of their children. There was video footage. The father was criminally convicted and initially received a contact and location ban.

Despite all of this, the district court established a week-on-week-off arrangement in the first instance, the children with the father one week, with the mother the next. The mother's request for sole parental authority was rejected. The reasoning: the parties needed to work on their communication and cooperation.

The mother appealed. And the court of appeal took a radically different approach.

What Is the Istanbul Convention?

The Istanbul Convention, which entered into force in the Netherlands on 1 March 2016, is a human rights treaty of the Council of Europe. It obliges governments to actively prevent violence against women and protect victims. Crucially for family law practice: courts must explicitly take domestic violence into account when making decisions about custody and contact arrangements. The safety of the parent and child is paramount.

Dutch legislation on parental authority and contact does not explicitly mention domestic violence as a relevant factor. But the court is clear: that does not make it any less relevant. The Convention applies and courts are bound by it.

What Did the Court Rule?

The court found that the earlier proceedings, and the assistance provided, had paid insufficient attention to the domestic violence. Reports referred to ‘domestic violence between parents’ or ‘conflict as ex-partners’. That language downplays what actually happened: the father assaulted the mother. Not the other way around, not mutually.

Furthermore, the professional support focused on improving communication, an approach that completely disregards the power dynamics in domestic violence situations. Steering and limiting the father's harmful behaviour was absent.

Only late in the proceedings was a safety assessment carried out. That assessment indicated acute risk to the children. The court concluded this should have happened much earlier.

The outcome was therefore different from the district court's decision:

• The mother is granted sole parental authority.
• The contact arrangement is reduced to one weekend every two weeks with the father.

Three Lessons for Practice

1. Domestic violence is not a communication problem.

The tendency of support workers and sometimes courts to reframe violence as ‘mutual conflict’ or ‘communication problems’ is understandable but harmful. It removes responsibility from the perpetrator and places the burden on both parents. A victim of violence is not responsible for ‘poor communication’.

2. The Istanbul Convention has direct effect.

As a victim of domestic violence, you can actively direct the court's attention to the Istanbul Convention. The Convention obliges the court to make an explicit safety assessment when deciding on parental authority and contact. That is not a request, it is an obligation.

3. Co-parenting is not an end in itself.

Equal parenting is a valuable starting point, but not when the safety of a parent or child is at stake. The court makes clear: in situations of domestic violence, safety takes precedence over the goal of co-parenting.

What If You Are in a Similar Situation?

Are you a victim of domestic violence and facing proceedings where co-parenting or joint custody is treated as self-evident? Then it is important to:

• Document the violence as concretely as possible: police reports, medical records, footage, witness statements.
• Actively invoke the Istanbul Convention and request that the court makes the safety assessment explicit.
• Ensure a safety assessment is carried out, and if necessary, push for this to happen early in the proceedings.
• Seek legal advice from a lawyer who understands the dynamics of domestic violence in family law proceedings.

What Should You Do Now?

Are you facing custody or contact proceedings while domestic violence has occurred in the relationship? Then you deserve a lawyer who not only knows the legal facts, but also understands what is truly at stake: your safety and that of your children.

Case Reference

This post is based on ECLI:NL:GHARL:2025:5305.